Prep your pets for world's end
Sara Gregory
Issue date: 11/4/09 Section: Opinion
You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets, who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind."
For $110 and $15 per each additional pet, this organization of atheists active in 22 states will find your pet when the Rapture comes and care for it after you have been saved.
Each atheist representative of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets has signed a statement explaining that they do not believe in God or Jesus and have thus blasphemed according to Mark 3:29, thusly stating they will not be saved.
While these atheists agree that they do not believe in the Rapture itself, they are respectful of other beliefs and the chance that their perspective is incorrect.
This service covers dogs, cats, birds, rabbits and small caged mammals. Horses, donkeys and llamas are also covered in some selected areas.
We live in a time with so many end of the world scenarios flying around that we assume one of them will take. It doesn't matter if it's 2012 or 2060, but we're convinced it's coming, and soon.
Only in today's recession could someone make money off an event that hasn't occurred. We are so certain of our paranoia that it's changing our lives now.
What happens when the end doesn't come? Instead of looking like an idiot with too much water and toilet paper, you'll be out over a hundred dollars and Fluffy will be shaking his head at your surprise.
I say save your money. Call these guys when the sky actually starts falling, because we've been unsuccessfully predicting this event throughout history.
For $110 and $15 per each additional pet, this organization of atheists active in 22 states will find your pet when the Rapture comes and care for it after you have been saved.
Each atheist representative of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets has signed a statement explaining that they do not believe in God or Jesus and have thus blasphemed according to Mark 3:29, thusly stating they will not be saved.
While these atheists agree that they do not believe in the Rapture itself, they are respectful of other beliefs and the chance that their perspective is incorrect.
This service covers dogs, cats, birds, rabbits and small caged mammals. Horses, donkeys and llamas are also covered in some selected areas.
We live in a time with so many end of the world scenarios flying around that we assume one of them will take. It doesn't matter if it's 2012 or 2060, but we're convinced it's coming, and soon.
Only in today's recession could someone make money off an event that hasn't occurred. We are so certain of our paranoia that it's changing our lives now.
What happens when the end doesn't come? Instead of looking like an idiot with too much water and toilet paper, you'll be out over a hundred dollars and Fluffy will be shaking his head at your surprise.
I say save your money. Call these guys when the sky actually starts falling, because we've been unsuccessfully predicting this event throughout history.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
Bart
posted 11/04/09 @ 5:26 PM CST
Actually, insurance companies make and industry of making money off of "events that haven't occured." The service we are offering is simply Rapture insurance for a believers beloved pet. (Continued…)
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