Lessons learned from Judd Apatow movies
Datlon Boland
Issue date: 9/30/09 Section: The Edge
When it comes to comedy film writing, producing and directing, Judd Apatow keeps us laughing, and we keep his bathtubs full of money. His name is tied to such titles as "Anchorman," "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," "Knocked Up," "Pineapple Express," "Talladega Nights," "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," "Funny People," "Walk Hard," "Step Brothers" and "Superbad," to name a few. At this rate, it's only a matter of time before his movies overtake our culture.
So, reader, here are some tips for success in the imminent future, where our entire society bends to Apatow's will.
Men: Smoke a lot of weed.
It doesn't impact upper reasoning or physical stamina. In fact, cannabis will not only vastly improve your mental prowess, but also make you far more appealing to the ladies.
Plan on getting in a gunfight? Well, it seems pretty obvious that a quick joint will help increase accuracy and the killer instinct. Need to make the jump from being a mere local legend to an American hero? Weed's a given.
Get ugly.
Don't get me wrong, for most of us this won't be a problem. But if your body mass index is within the healthy range, it's time to hit the Doritos. I don't see this as a major issue, seeing that you're already taking the first tip seriously.
However, if you're having trouble packing on the pounds, bulimia or anorexia will help to maintain a skinny and nerdy look. But be advised, if underweight, you better be socially awkward, and I mean Mike Cera on ether awkward. This won't be much of an obstacle either. Seriously, you couldn't even plump yourself up. Your father doesn't even respect you.
Outwit the police.
Those guys are just terribly under qualified, and to obey them is like taking orders from a community college dropout. Lie or run, it'll work out either way.
Smoke more weed.
I cannot emphasize this enough. The key to your success lies in this plant. For that matter, do as many mind-altering substances as you can find. There will be no downside to this whatsoever.
So, reader, here are some tips for success in the imminent future, where our entire society bends to Apatow's will.
Men: Smoke a lot of weed.
It doesn't impact upper reasoning or physical stamina. In fact, cannabis will not only vastly improve your mental prowess, but also make you far more appealing to the ladies.
Plan on getting in a gunfight? Well, it seems pretty obvious that a quick joint will help increase accuracy and the killer instinct. Need to make the jump from being a mere local legend to an American hero? Weed's a given.
Get ugly.
Don't get me wrong, for most of us this won't be a problem. But if your body mass index is within the healthy range, it's time to hit the Doritos. I don't see this as a major issue, seeing that you're already taking the first tip seriously.
However, if you're having trouble packing on the pounds, bulimia or anorexia will help to maintain a skinny and nerdy look. But be advised, if underweight, you better be socially awkward, and I mean Mike Cera on ether awkward. This won't be much of an obstacle either. Seriously, you couldn't even plump yourself up. Your father doesn't even respect you.
Outwit the police.
Those guys are just terribly under qualified, and to obey them is like taking orders from a community college dropout. Lie or run, it'll work out either way.
Smoke more weed.
I cannot emphasize this enough. The key to your success lies in this plant. For that matter, do as many mind-altering substances as you can find. There will be no downside to this whatsoever.
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