Look before you leap and think before you speak
Moon Base
Issue date: 8/28/09 Section: Opinion
When sitting around trying to think about something good to write about, it finally hit me: tell people about your policy. I've got five small letters written on my hand, basically at all times, which have saved me more than once a considerable amount of grief. KYMSI stands in permanent marker just above my knuckles on my right hand and acts as a buffer between me and, well, everyone else (when it works).
The acronym is pretty simple: Keep Your Mouth Shut Idiot. Originally, it was designed without the "I" but I figured since the intention was to stop myself from being stupid or overly offensive, I deemed it necessary. It works like this: I get an idea or some kind of witty remark in my head, my brain pauses for just a second, I look down at my hand to decide whether or not what is about to come out my mouth is appropriate for the situation, and I go from there. Usually if I have to go through all the steps, what I'm thinking stays nice and quiet where it belongs instead of in full public view. Now, this takes all of maybe one second to do, but I consider it pretty valuable in the "save my ass" drawer of tricks.
Not everyone has to be as compulsive as I am, and by no means would I encourage people to write those letters on their hands (it leads to an onslaught of the same question), but the trick to consider is to think before you say something. Seriously. I understand how I am in that some stories I tell have no points. Some jokes I tell are not for the faint of heart. Some of the random garbage that flies out of my brain is strange, creepy or otherwise vulgar and are not meant for anyone other than myself, but I know that I am not alone in this battle against verbal diarrhea.
Here are some quick tips to help everyone out. First, you have to determine the nature of what you are planning on saying. Is it funny? Maybe. But is it really? Does it have a cohesive point? For instance, did you learn why stealing a police cruiser was a bad idea or why condoms aren't just a myth? Next, understand where and when stories, jokes, etc. are appropriate. "So the prison guard says …" has no place anywhere outside of friends … trust me on this one. A good way to think is whether or not you would say something to your mother; in most cases, that's a good indicator. Last, just know your limitations to speaking what is inside your area of grey matter. I use this phrase not only to keep myself out of trouble, but also to safeguard other people. I've got a bit of a temper, so when it arises, I try to do as my hand says and keep my mouth shut. I just figure it's easier. Oh, and another thing, stop trying to outdo other people's stories. Most of the time the other person can tell you're lying, so keep that to yourself as well.
The acronym is pretty simple: Keep Your Mouth Shut Idiot. Originally, it was designed without the "I" but I figured since the intention was to stop myself from being stupid or overly offensive, I deemed it necessary. It works like this: I get an idea or some kind of witty remark in my head, my brain pauses for just a second, I look down at my hand to decide whether or not what is about to come out my mouth is appropriate for the situation, and I go from there. Usually if I have to go through all the steps, what I'm thinking stays nice and quiet where it belongs instead of in full public view. Now, this takes all of maybe one second to do, but I consider it pretty valuable in the "save my ass" drawer of tricks.
Not everyone has to be as compulsive as I am, and by no means would I encourage people to write those letters on their hands (it leads to an onslaught of the same question), but the trick to consider is to think before you say something. Seriously. I understand how I am in that some stories I tell have no points. Some jokes I tell are not for the faint of heart. Some of the random garbage that flies out of my brain is strange, creepy or otherwise vulgar and are not meant for anyone other than myself, but I know that I am not alone in this battle against verbal diarrhea.
Here are some quick tips to help everyone out. First, you have to determine the nature of what you are planning on saying. Is it funny? Maybe. But is it really? Does it have a cohesive point? For instance, did you learn why stealing a police cruiser was a bad idea or why condoms aren't just a myth? Next, understand where and when stories, jokes, etc. are appropriate. "So the prison guard says …" has no place anywhere outside of friends … trust me on this one. A good way to think is whether or not you would say something to your mother; in most cases, that's a good indicator. Last, just know your limitations to speaking what is inside your area of grey matter. I use this phrase not only to keep myself out of trouble, but also to safeguard other people. I've got a bit of a temper, so when it arises, I try to do as my hand says and keep my mouth shut. I just figure it's easier. Oh, and another thing, stop trying to outdo other people's stories. Most of the time the other person can tell you're lying, so keep that to yourself as well.
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