What's in a name? Maybe everything
Zach Wingerter
Issue date: 9/10/08 Section: Opinion
New Jersey Nets, NBA
The "Nets?" They're in the culturally rich New England region and they can't think of anything better to call the team than the "Nets?" A freaking color nickname (c'mon, "Reds?") is better than naming a team after a piece of equipment. This one's interactive, "Mad Libs"-style. Insert the first noun you can think of into the blank: New Jersey _______s. Excellent. You've succeeded in naming a team that sounds better than New Jersey Nets. On a similar note…
Cleveland Browns, NFL
Their name is the Browns and their helmets are orange. Yes, there's a story behind it, but the fact of the matter remains the same: their name is the Browns and their helmets are orange. In order to attract a broader audience, the Browns don't need to change their name - they need to appeal to "Family Guy" fans (Cleveland's last name is Brown) by featuring the cartoon Cleveland giving a thumbs-up on the helmet with - now this is the important part - a BROWN background.
Toronto Raptors, NBA
Toronto's a young franchise that hasn't found much success, but at least the name makes you think of a sweet movie. The problem is that raptors weren't the scariest creatures in "Jurassic Park." While the T-Rexes were impressive, though inconsistently huge, the team should carry the name of the most fearsome Jurassic Park inhabitant and be called the Toronto Goldblums.
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, MLB
Technically, they aren't a struggling franchise because they won the World Series rather recently, but something absolutely must be done about the name. The only thing in sports history dumber than a team being from two cities (exception: Minnesota Twins) is the fact that we gave the name "football" to a sport that has nothing to do with feet, in turn forcing us to call a sport that only uses feet "soccer" when everyone else calls it, appropriately, football. Go back to being the California Angels and stop confusing everyone.
Indiana Fever, WNBA
The "Nets?" They're in the culturally rich New England region and they can't think of anything better to call the team than the "Nets?" A freaking color nickname (c'mon, "Reds?") is better than naming a team after a piece of equipment. This one's interactive, "Mad Libs"-style. Insert the first noun you can think of into the blank: New Jersey _______s. Excellent. You've succeeded in naming a team that sounds better than New Jersey Nets. On a similar note…
Cleveland Browns, NFL
Their name is the Browns and their helmets are orange. Yes, there's a story behind it, but the fact of the matter remains the same: their name is the Browns and their helmets are orange. In order to attract a broader audience, the Browns don't need to change their name - they need to appeal to "Family Guy" fans (Cleveland's last name is Brown) by featuring the cartoon Cleveland giving a thumbs-up on the helmet with - now this is the important part - a BROWN background.
Toronto Raptors, NBA
Toronto's a young franchise that hasn't found much success, but at least the name makes you think of a sweet movie. The problem is that raptors weren't the scariest creatures in "Jurassic Park." While the T-Rexes were impressive, though inconsistently huge, the team should carry the name of the most fearsome Jurassic Park inhabitant and be called the Toronto Goldblums.
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, MLB
Technically, they aren't a struggling franchise because they won the World Series rather recently, but something absolutely must be done about the name. The only thing in sports history dumber than a team being from two cities (exception: Minnesota Twins) is the fact that we gave the name "football" to a sport that has nothing to do with feet, in turn forcing us to call a sport that only uses feet "soccer" when everyone else calls it, appropriately, football. Go back to being the California Angels and stop confusing everyone.
Indiana Fever, WNBA
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