Spring Break
Resist the urge to smuggle sea creatures
Jeff Henderson
Issue date: 2/29/08 Section: Opinion
It is an argued fact that after four seconds of any article, the reader will decide to keep reading or look elsewhere. This is the "four second rule" of journalism, and as a result, three things can be concluded.
First, journalists have to work day and night to figure out how to effectively draw in readers. Second, some people are probably now reading the Sports section, making conclusion No. 3 irrelevant.
Just in case anyone is still reading, some ideas for a good "lead" in a story could be commenting on celebrity gossip or, better yet, referencing bizarre American Psychological Association-accepted phobias, such as Arachibutyrophobia, which is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
Another fascinating idea could be explaining illegal activities such as smuggling drugs, weapons and sea cucumbers. Perhaps that sounds absurd, but the world is burdened with people exporting sea cucumbers.
What's even more peculiar is that in some countries, it's apparently illegal. After reading this, you will find out how this is possible.
Another writing technique is trying not to quickly change your topic into something completely absurd. This is often inevitable. Also, after using a cliffhanger, use about four more seconds following it for useless filling of words to keep the reader invested.
But, as I was saying about sea cucumber trafficking, according to India's newspaper The Hindu, four people were caught trying to smuggle 250 kg of live sea cucumbers in early 2007. This finding is most likely making you wonder:
1) How did this column suddenly turn into one on sea cucumbers?
2) Exactly what is a sea cucumber?
3) If I ate one with peanut butter, would the peanut butter stick to the roof of my mouth?
4) Where is the Sports section?
A sea cucumber is a creature similar to a starfish - classified as alive but never really moving much. Sea cucumbers sell for $50 per kilogram on the international market. They are worth so much because apparently they have "aphrodisiac" properties used in Southeast Asian countries to prevent malaria.
First, journalists have to work day and night to figure out how to effectively draw in readers. Second, some people are probably now reading the Sports section, making conclusion No. 3 irrelevant.
Just in case anyone is still reading, some ideas for a good "lead" in a story could be commenting on celebrity gossip or, better yet, referencing bizarre American Psychological Association-accepted phobias, such as Arachibutyrophobia, which is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
Another fascinating idea could be explaining illegal activities such as smuggling drugs, weapons and sea cucumbers. Perhaps that sounds absurd, but the world is burdened with people exporting sea cucumbers.
What's even more peculiar is that in some countries, it's apparently illegal. After reading this, you will find out how this is possible.
Another writing technique is trying not to quickly change your topic into something completely absurd. This is often inevitable. Also, after using a cliffhanger, use about four more seconds following it for useless filling of words to keep the reader invested.
But, as I was saying about sea cucumber trafficking, according to India's newspaper The Hindu, four people were caught trying to smuggle 250 kg of live sea cucumbers in early 2007. This finding is most likely making you wonder:
1) How did this column suddenly turn into one on sea cucumbers?
2) Exactly what is a sea cucumber?
3) If I ate one with peanut butter, would the peanut butter stick to the roof of my mouth?
4) Where is the Sports section?
A sea cucumber is a creature similar to a starfish - classified as alive but never really moving much. Sea cucumbers sell for $50 per kilogram on the international market. They are worth so much because apparently they have "aphrodisiac" properties used in Southeast Asian countries to prevent malaria.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
anon
posted 2/29/08 @ 1:42 PM CST
I'm sorry but I must say that this is a terrible article.
susa
posted 3/02/08 @ 9:46 AM CST
Hey, That was a good one!
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