Spring Break
If Osama hit Macomb...
Jason Nevel
Issue date: 7/18/07 Section: Opinion
In "The Last King of Scotland," Dr. Nicholas Garrigan played the game every kid did growing up. He took a globe and spun it like a top and stopped the sphere with his finger on a random country. Garrigan's destiny landed him on Uganda, so that's where he opted to live.
Hypothetically, what if Osama bin Laden re-enacted the childish game and some way, somehow, his ET-like index finger stopped on Macomb, Ill. - leaving him no other alternative than ordering a terrorist attack on the ROTC capital of the world.
If Paris Hilton's album can debut at No. 6 on the Billboard Pop Charts, hey, anything can happen.
Not knowing much about the small mid-western Illinois city, bin Laden goes to one of his favorite Web sites, Wikipedia, and types in Macomb. He discovers it is the home of Western Illinois University and the former site of the St. Louis Rams training camp from 1996 to 2004.
However, one thing sticks out to the old geezer like a half-clad woman walking down the streets of Afghanistan: A population of 20,000 people means Macomb, like other towns its size, must have everyone's favorite one-stop shop, Wal-Mart.
Not feeling satisfied with one target, bin Laden does his homework via the World Wide Web and develops a list of targets - including Wal-Mart - that, hypothetically, would read something like this:
1. Macomb train station. Bin Laden retrieves MapQuest directions from Chicago, which is the only city he's heard of in Illinois, to Macomb. He discovers there is basically only one road that runs through Macomb. Not being na've, he figures not all students have cars and must rely on another mode of transportation: Amtrak. Bin Laden assumes the train station is vital to the university and community and decides it would be a great attack point. Plus, he'll do anything to support the aviation industry.
2. Sherman Hall. Bin Laden connects the dots and understands that in order for the city to survive, the university has to be functional. Therefore, he chooses Sherman Hall as a target. He learns it's Western's headquarters and responsible for all records of student billings. Bin Laden also reminisces of his glory days in Afghanistan in 2003 when the civil wars between the Taliban and the rest of the country destroyed nearly one-third of the country's schools. He loves trips down memory lane.
Hypothetically, what if Osama bin Laden re-enacted the childish game and some way, somehow, his ET-like index finger stopped on Macomb, Ill. - leaving him no other alternative than ordering a terrorist attack on the ROTC capital of the world.
If Paris Hilton's album can debut at No. 6 on the Billboard Pop Charts, hey, anything can happen.
Not knowing much about the small mid-western Illinois city, bin Laden goes to one of his favorite Web sites, Wikipedia, and types in Macomb. He discovers it is the home of Western Illinois University and the former site of the St. Louis Rams training camp from 1996 to 2004.
However, one thing sticks out to the old geezer like a half-clad woman walking down the streets of Afghanistan: A population of 20,000 people means Macomb, like other towns its size, must have everyone's favorite one-stop shop, Wal-Mart.
Not feeling satisfied with one target, bin Laden does his homework via the World Wide Web and develops a list of targets - including Wal-Mart - that, hypothetically, would read something like this:
1. Macomb train station. Bin Laden retrieves MapQuest directions from Chicago, which is the only city he's heard of in Illinois, to Macomb. He discovers there is basically only one road that runs through Macomb. Not being na've, he figures not all students have cars and must rely on another mode of transportation: Amtrak. Bin Laden assumes the train station is vital to the university and community and decides it would be a great attack point. Plus, he'll do anything to support the aviation industry.
2. Sherman Hall. Bin Laden connects the dots and understands that in order for the city to survive, the university has to be functional. Therefore, he chooses Sherman Hall as a target. He learns it's Western's headquarters and responsible for all records of student billings. Bin Laden also reminisces of his glory days in Afghanistan in 2003 when the civil wars between the Taliban and the rest of the country destroyed nearly one-third of the country's schools. He loves trips down memory lane.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
sethr
S.Roderick
posted 7/24/07 @ 9:28 AM EST
It appears the author of this opinion story meant it to be a tongue & cheek perspective of Macomb and WIU's place on the map of relevancy, and to a certain degree, the author is correct. (Continued…)
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