Western Courier

Issue date: 7/6/06 Section: Opinion

The fictional Cobra terrorist organization who would use ridiculously flawed plans like poisoning the world's supply of milk with hopes of taking over the world was still a better organized group than Al Qaeda.

To quote the great American and WWE Hall of Fame inductee Sgt. Slaughter, "Shut your hole puke and listen up!"

The recent death of Al Qaeda flunky Abu Musab Al-Zaraqwi has really got me thinking. There are U.S. military higher-ups jumping for joy over this. On the other hand, there are those in Iraq who say nothing significant was done because Al-Zaraqwi was nothing more than a figurehead. He was just a gnat in the grand terror scheme. Al Qaeda is nothing but a slew of losers. People fail to realize there was a much greater threat in the late 80s and early 90s. I am of course speaking of G.I. Joe's arch nemesis, the Cobra organization.

Let us look at the respective chains of command shall we? Al Qaeda has the skeletal fanatic Osama bin Laden running the show. He is nothing more than a Scottie Pippen look-alike with failing kidneys and a billy-goat beard. How appropriate since he will be spending the rest of his life in the mountains.

Next there is the human skidmark Ayman Al-Zawahari. Beneath them both was the black sheep of this terror family everyone's favorite 40-year-old man who was married to a 16-year-old girl, Abu Musab Al-Zaraqwi.

Cobra, on the other hand, was a top-notch terrorist outfit. On top there is Cobra Commander. Double C was the world's most dangerous man with a slick outfit to boot. Complementing him is the arms dealer Destro.

Finally there is the fatally dangerous Serpentor. Serpentor is an individual made up of DNA from Caesar, Napoleon, Atilla the Hun, Alexander the Great, Hannibal, Genghis Khan and Sgt. Slaughter. He was a worthy foe if there ever was one. Not only that, but he dressed like a big snake and flew around on an awesome podium-thingy.

Al Qaeda's forces are also pathetic. A case that demonstrates this point is the suicide bombers. They are pathetic. Ideologies can change, flesh is weak and at any second they could have a change of heart.

Cobra, however, had an army of Battle Android Troopers - mindless warriors who were unflinchingly loyal, and by the way one of their forearms was a cannon. This ferocious battalion is easily more intimidating than your average Mujahideen or misogynistic Taliban warlord.

The Al Qaeda group is also cripplingly short-sighted. They fight so their skewed views of Islam prevail. However, most Muslims are peaceful compassionate people and Al Qaeda pretty much craps on what Islam is supposed to be.

Cobra strived for global domination. They also have better digs. Instead of tents in the Afghan wilderness there was a Cobra stronghold hidden in the

Himalayan Mountains known as Cobra-La. This is the site where their grand scheme was to be unfurled. Large pods were to be launched into space spilling spores all over creation. The end result was that every person on earth would be turned into obedient snake things. Now that's a scheme if I've ever heard one!

To sum it all up Al Qaeda is a second-rate organization - basically, the laughingstock of the global community.

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