Are Cadbury Creme Eggs really better than sex?
Shawn Wilson
Issue date: 4/18/05 Section: Opinion
- Page 1 of 2 next >
Easter is three weeks behind us. The good gentile children of the country are finally coming down from their sugar-highs, the mothers are hanging up their pastel "epileptic-seizure dresses" for another year, and the Cadbury Creme Egg is coming off the shelves for another ten months. Stock up now; the "dry months" suck.
The Cadbury Egg was probably created so someone could kick a heroin addiction. After one bite of its cream-filled chocolaty goodness, an unsuspecting person may find himself dying of shock. It's that good.
The debate has been raised by my friends in the last few weeks as to the Cadbury Egg's position on the "Official Ladder of Awesome Stuff," so I have pitted it against the reigning champion: sex. I'll use a simple point system, and a new champion will be crowned.
I've never had to sleep in the lounge because my roommate was having a Cadbury Egg (Point: egg).
It's not that fun watching videos of people eating Cadbury Eggs (Point: sex).
I've never been walked in on while eating a Cadbury Egg (Point: egg).
Too many Cadbury Eggs and you can get sick (Point: sex).
If you don't want to fumble with the annoying foil egg wrapper, all you risk is a stomachache (Point: egg).
Cadbury Eggs are terrible if you're trying to lose weight (Point: sex).
After a Cadbury Egg, everything's sticky (tie).
I've never woken up with a hangover and found a Cadbury Egg on my arm (Point: egg).
The Cadbury Egg is only available three months of the year (Point: sex).
After I eat a Cadbury Egg, I don't have to figure out a way to get it out of my room (Point: egg).
I don't get to see anyone naked while I eat Cadbury Eggs (Point: sex).
I've never almost crashed my car from having a Cadbury Egg while driving (Point: egg).
Having two Cadbury Eggs at the same time isn't that exciting (Point: sex).
You can't get arrested for having a Cadbury Egg in a high school (Point: egg).
The Cadbury Egg was probably created so someone could kick a heroin addiction. After one bite of its cream-filled chocolaty goodness, an unsuspecting person may find himself dying of shock. It's that good.
The debate has been raised by my friends in the last few weeks as to the Cadbury Egg's position on the "Official Ladder of Awesome Stuff," so I have pitted it against the reigning champion: sex. I'll use a simple point system, and a new champion will be crowned.
I've never had to sleep in the lounge because my roommate was having a Cadbury Egg (Point: egg).
It's not that fun watching videos of people eating Cadbury Eggs (Point: sex).
I've never been walked in on while eating a Cadbury Egg (Point: egg).
Too many Cadbury Eggs and you can get sick (Point: sex).
If you don't want to fumble with the annoying foil egg wrapper, all you risk is a stomachache (Point: egg).
Cadbury Eggs are terrible if you're trying to lose weight (Point: sex).
After a Cadbury Egg, everything's sticky (tie).
I've never woken up with a hangover and found a Cadbury Egg on my arm (Point: egg).
The Cadbury Egg is only available three months of the year (Point: sex).
After I eat a Cadbury Egg, I don't have to figure out a way to get it out of my room (Point: egg).
I don't get to see anyone naked while I eat Cadbury Eggs (Point: sex).
I've never almost crashed my car from having a Cadbury Egg while driving (Point: egg).
Having two Cadbury Eggs at the same time isn't that exciting (Point: sex).
You can't get arrested for having a Cadbury Egg in a high school (Point: egg).
Be the first to comment on this story